I hate this day. Now I'm gonna have to face reality - I can't deal with it.
I think I'm going to break
6.25.2010
6.24.2010
I came here to make you dance tonight
So... I am sitting at Stine's floor with Cobra Starship's Guilty Pleasure (Album Version)
in my brain, and I haven't been able to get it out since I heard it last afternoon. Not that it bothers me, but it's only two freaking lines.
Stine is fast asleep and I have been awake for around an hour and a half now, and I can't sleep anymore, so I thought that I'd just update this.
I don't know how I feel today. Kinda numb I guess. I got things straightened out with my friend yesterday. Which is good, cause I don't ever wanna lose him. I really love him, though he can be a jerk. But hey, who can't, am I right..
But I'm still feeling like I am gonna explode about that chick that annoys the crap outta me, and I can't really deal with the thought of seeing her tomorrow.
And then there's the case about tomorrow... June 25th. The Black Day. The Date that's been eating my heart out for a year now.
I can't wrap my brain around it. It's just too much. It's killing me, and all the sudden it is just so real. It's like a nightmare where I'm running from a hideous clown but aren't getting anywhere and th freak is just coming closer and closer and no matter how much I tear my lungs out to scream, no sound is coming out.
It's just.. unbearable..
Yesterday I woke up from this amazing, just wonderful, dream that just seemed so real. It weren't anything big. We were just being together, spending time together. Talking, laughing, embracing each other - just Michael and me. It was so fantastic. And it was so real that when I woke up I could still feel the touch of his skin, smell the sweet scent of his hair, hear his humming in my ear. It killed me. I cried for half an hour when I realized what reality was.
And now I can't seem to stop thinking about it - about him. About the fact that I will never get the chance to hug him, to feel him, to look into those big brown eyes with the amazing lashes.
Michael Jackson, I miss you. Please come back to me?
in my brain, and I haven't been able to get it out since I heard it last afternoon. Not that it bothers me, but it's only two freaking lines.Stine is fast asleep and I have been awake for around an hour and a half now, and I can't sleep anymore, so I thought that I'd just update this.
I don't know how I feel today. Kinda numb I guess. I got things straightened out with my friend yesterday. Which is good, cause I don't ever wanna lose him. I really love him, though he can be a jerk. But hey, who can't, am I right..
But I'm still feeling like I am gonna explode about that chick that annoys the crap outta me, and I can't really deal with the thought of seeing her tomorrow.
And then there's the case about tomorrow... June 25th. The Black Day. The Date that's been eating my heart out for a year now.
I can't wrap my brain around it. It's just too much. It's killing me, and all the sudden it is just so real. It's like a nightmare where I'm running from a hideous clown but aren't getting anywhere and th freak is just coming closer and closer and no matter how much I tear my lungs out to scream, no sound is coming out.
It's just.. unbearable..
Yesterday I woke up from this amazing, just wonderful, dream that just seemed so real. It weren't anything big. We were just being together, spending time together. Talking, laughing, embracing each other - just Michael and me. It was so fantastic. And it was so real that when I woke up I could still feel the touch of his skin, smell the sweet scent of his hair, hear his humming in my ear. It killed me. I cried for half an hour when I realized what reality was.
And now I can't seem to stop thinking about it - about him. About the fact that I will never get the chance to hug him, to feel him, to look into those big brown eyes with the amazing lashes.
Michael Jackson, I miss you. Please come back to me?
6.22.2010
call me a whiner - I don't freaking care
Listening to: Fall Out Boy 'Send Postcards From A Plane Crash (wish you were here)'
So, the last few days have been frustrating in so many ways.
I haven't talked to someone I considered one of my best friends in over a week, which is weird cause usually we talk every day all the time, but he wont return my phone calls or respond to my texts, and he haven't been online on Messenger that often, and when he has been he haven't contacted me at all. This made me worried about him, so Sunday night I sent him a text telling him that I was worried, not a sound in response. A few hours later he talked to me on Messenger as if nothing had happened, and I decided to let it be, and just take "the talk" about the past week later on cause I was kinda in the middle of something when he wrote me. But then all the sudden, out of the blue, he got all cold, and after a few cold responses he stopped replying.
I haven't contacted him since, cause I feel that this is his responsibility - it's him who have been ignoring me, and I can't keep up texting him or calling him to figure out what's going on with him.
Then there was a change of plans about this weekend, and the party there was meant to be a our friends' house is off, which gave me a few probs about places to stay, but Nikki and I got a deal with my friend Stine to crash at her place Friday. Then I was left with Saturday as a problem, so my Jonas asked if him and me could stay at this friend I thought was of my best friends' place. Jonas could, but there was no way that there was room for me there. That made me a little suspicious.
But now I just found out that a few of our other friends are staying there too. So now I'm seriously pissed at him. If I did something wrong he could at least have the decency to tell me!
And then there's this girl that I have been friends with for a bit more than half a year. Since November I guess. She's always had tiny things that have annoyed me, but I have put up with it, cause hey, we can't all like everything about each other.
But now it has just become too much. The more I think about it, the more I dislike her, and get annoyed by her. And I feel really bad about it, cause I don't think that she even realizes the things she does.
I just think that she is so self-centered and shallow and attention-desperate, and I just can't stand those kinda things.
She turns things that should be private and intimate and are actually really bad into some kind of circus to get attention, and it makes nauseated. I think it's sick and wrong those things that she does, and my honest opinion is that this girl needs some kind of help.
It is true though that she has been through a lot in her life, and that it must have been really tough for her and her family - but so have I, and I don't go around whining about it all the time just to get attention.
I hate her pity-crusade. It's wrong, it's sick and she needs help.
Normally when people gets on my last nerve I tell them, but how the Hell should I ever be able to tell her this?!
Everyone thinks that she is "soooo brave" and that she is "such a good person", so if I ever point this out to her she can tie them around her little finger in a second and I will end up losing a lot of people I really care about. I am starting to believe that that is what have happened with my (ex) best friend, cause he sees her as some kind of goddess that are unable to make mistakes, another thing that makes me wanna puke.
Many people might raise an eyebrow about this statement and think "hey, she's so obviously jealous", and trust me, I have gone that side of the story over and over again in my head. But no, it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with jealousy, cause she has nothing that I am interested in.
I am not interested in the kind of attention that she constantly seeks, I am not interested in being looked at as the "never-failing goodie goodie". No way, cause that is not me.
I just think that people are giving her attention on a false basis, and my respect for her sinks deeper and deeper every time I hear from her.
And I will end this now before my head explodes.
Thank you for putting up with my irrational, and extreme, garbage. All I know is that it really loosened up to get this out of my system cause I have been carrying it around for a long time now.
Let's just hope it doesn't escalate this Friday where I am forced to fake a smile for her.
So, the last few days have been frustrating in so many ways.
I haven't talked to someone I considered one of my best friends in over a week, which is weird cause usually we talk every day all the time, but he wont return my phone calls or respond to my texts, and he haven't been online on Messenger that often, and when he has been he haven't contacted me at all. This made me worried about him, so Sunday night I sent him a text telling him that I was worried, not a sound in response. A few hours later he talked to me on Messenger as if nothing had happened, and I decided to let it be, and just take "the talk" about the past week later on cause I was kinda in the middle of something when he wrote me. But then all the sudden, out of the blue, he got all cold, and after a few cold responses he stopped replying.
I haven't contacted him since, cause I feel that this is his responsibility - it's him who have been ignoring me, and I can't keep up texting him or calling him to figure out what's going on with him.
Then there was a change of plans about this weekend, and the party there was meant to be a our friends' house is off, which gave me a few probs about places to stay, but Nikki and I got a deal with my friend Stine to crash at her place Friday. Then I was left with Saturday as a problem, so my Jonas asked if him and me could stay at this friend I thought was of my best friends' place. Jonas could, but there was no way that there was room for me there. That made me a little suspicious.
But now I just found out that a few of our other friends are staying there too. So now I'm seriously pissed at him. If I did something wrong he could at least have the decency to tell me!
And then there's this girl that I have been friends with for a bit more than half a year. Since November I guess. She's always had tiny things that have annoyed me, but I have put up with it, cause hey, we can't all like everything about each other.
But now it has just become too much. The more I think about it, the more I dislike her, and get annoyed by her. And I feel really bad about it, cause I don't think that she even realizes the things she does.
I just think that she is so self-centered and shallow and attention-desperate, and I just can't stand those kinda things.
She turns things that should be private and intimate and are actually really bad into some kind of circus to get attention, and it makes nauseated. I think it's sick and wrong those things that she does, and my honest opinion is that this girl needs some kind of help.
It is true though that she has been through a lot in her life, and that it must have been really tough for her and her family - but so have I, and I don't go around whining about it all the time just to get attention.
I hate her pity-crusade. It's wrong, it's sick and she needs help.
Normally when people gets on my last nerve I tell them, but how the Hell should I ever be able to tell her this?!
Everyone thinks that she is "soooo brave" and that she is "such a good person", so if I ever point this out to her she can tie them around her little finger in a second and I will end up losing a lot of people I really care about. I am starting to believe that that is what have happened with my (ex) best friend, cause he sees her as some kind of goddess that are unable to make mistakes, another thing that makes me wanna puke.
Many people might raise an eyebrow about this statement and think "hey, she's so obviously jealous", and trust me, I have gone that side of the story over and over again in my head. But no, it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with jealousy, cause she has nothing that I am interested in.
I am not interested in the kind of attention that she constantly seeks, I am not interested in being looked at as the "never-failing goodie goodie". No way, cause that is not me.
I just think that people are giving her attention on a false basis, and my respect for her sinks deeper and deeper every time I hear from her.
And I will end this now before my head explodes.
Thank you for putting up with my irrational, and extreme, garbage. All I know is that it really loosened up to get this out of my system cause I have been carrying it around for a long time now.
Let's just hope it doesn't escalate this Friday where I am forced to fake a smile for her.
6.20.2010
Disco fever and Pirates Of The Caribbean
Sooo... I just got home from house sitting my sisters apartment with my friend Elisa, and jesus, it was hilarious.
Friday we ran around the mall; me with a fake mustache, her with a children's viking helmet. People stared alot, and we got a few laughs from folks all around.
Then we went to the apartment where we ordered pizza, and played a looo-oooot of playstation - Pirates of the Caribbean. Dang are we some kick ass pirates!
Then we watched Cry Baby (Director's Cut)
with the hottie Johnny Depp *drool* and after that we watched Eurotrip (Unrated Widescreen Edition)
which is such a nice laugh!
Saturday we goofed with a little more playstation, and I must say that I am a pretty good Daredevil, and Elisa makes a nice Spiderman :D
Then we watched some Friends: Complete Fifth Season (4pc) (Std Sub)
, how can anyone NOT love this?
Later we made some crepes, and watched Road Trip (Unrated Edition)
. I can't believe Elisa hadn't seen those movies before. They're just epic!
Then we tuned in to the crabby music channels Denmark can come up with, turned up the volume, popped the Asti and Mokai and went crazy making wild 80's-like hair and make-up, and dressed up, goofing around, dancing around the apartment acting crazy. Singing along on the bad songs from the TV, and talking wildly about everybody we know (oh yeah, we did *OLE*).
Sunday we just chilled out, watching funny vids on youtube, and then we cleaned after ourselves as we listened to Tré Cool songs, and other weird stuff.
When I got home I got over ecstatic, cause I found that my Off the Wall [Vinyl]
had arrived, and my Kurt Cobain: Journals
too, so now I am just gonna read my ass of while listening to old records. Sweet Sunday, man..
When I got home the weather was nice, all sunny and warm, but after I had been home for around 30 minutes it started raining - no, not raining POURING! so I decided to put on my favorite Mr. Bean boxers and my Michael Jackson Ghosts t-shirt and dance around in the spontaneous summer rain, which was just amazing.
When I got inside the house again I was all soaked, and my t-shirt was clinging to my body like I had been pushed in the pool or something.
So... this was my weekend. Now I just have to deal with my bad feelings about me not having been working out since Thursday :/
Friday we ran around the mall; me with a fake mustache, her with a children's viking helmet. People stared alot, and we got a few laughs from folks all around.
Then we went to the apartment where we ordered pizza, and played a looo-oooot of playstation - Pirates of the Caribbean. Dang are we some kick ass pirates!
Then we watched Cry Baby (Director's Cut)
with the hottie Johnny Depp *drool* and after that we watched Eurotrip (Unrated Widescreen Edition) which is such a nice laugh!Saturday we goofed with a little more playstation, and I must say that I am a pretty good Daredevil, and Elisa makes a nice Spiderman :D
Then we watched some Friends: Complete Fifth Season (4pc) (Std Sub)
, how can anyone NOT love this?Later we made some crepes, and watched Road Trip (Unrated Edition)
. I can't believe Elisa hadn't seen those movies before. They're just epic!Then we tuned in to the crabby music channels Denmark can come up with, turned up the volume, popped the Asti and Mokai and went crazy making wild 80's-like hair and make-up, and dressed up, goofing around, dancing around the apartment acting crazy. Singing along on the bad songs from the TV, and talking wildly about everybody we know (oh yeah, we did *OLE*).
Sunday we just chilled out, watching funny vids on youtube, and then we cleaned after ourselves as we listened to Tré Cool songs, and other weird stuff.
When I got home I got over ecstatic, cause I found that my Off the Wall [Vinyl]
had arrived, and my Kurt Cobain: Journals too, so now I am just gonna read my ass of while listening to old records. Sweet Sunday, man..When I got home the weather was nice, all sunny and warm, but after I had been home for around 30 minutes it started raining - no, not raining POURING! so I decided to put on my favorite Mr. Bean boxers and my Michael Jackson Ghosts t-shirt and dance around in the spontaneous summer rain, which was just amazing.
When I got inside the house again I was all soaked, and my t-shirt was clinging to my body like I had been pushed in the pool or something.
So... this was my weekend. Now I just have to deal with my bad feelings about me not having been working out since Thursday :/
6.16.2010
Ozzy Osbourne show
So... yesterday my ticket arrived. My ticket to Heaven, almost..
My ticket for the Ozzy Osbourne concert in Herning on August 30th. I just can't wait!
I'll be going with my lovely friend, Mary, and we'll be meeting up with other people outside the venue. I think we're gonna queue up a few days before the show - to make sure we get awesome spots, because we didn't get tickets to the inner stage, which sucks. But we're gonna make the best of it, and have a great time anyway.
I've just been dying to see this man in concert ever since I was born. My dad has always been playing me Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne, so it runs in my blood to love him.
I CAN'T WAIT!!
My ticket for the Ozzy Osbourne concert in Herning on August 30th. I just can't wait!
I'll be going with my lovely friend, Mary, and we'll be meeting up with other people outside the venue. I think we're gonna queue up a few days before the show - to make sure we get awesome spots, because we didn't get tickets to the inner stage, which sucks. But we're gonna make the best of it, and have a great time anyway.
I've just been dying to see this man in concert ever since I was born. My dad has always been playing me Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne, so it runs in my blood to love him.
I CAN'T WAIT!!
THE PRINCE OF FUCKING DARKNESS!
Sweat The Battle Before The Battle Sweats You
Sitting here listening to Sweat the Battle Before the Battle Sweats You (Album Version)
from Cute Is What We Aim For, and I decided it was time for an update before leaving to make some dinner for my beloved father.
There still isn't any progress in my home-hunting in the big city, but I am planning to talk to my friend about her dorm and what she thinks about me applying for a room there asap.
Buuuuuut, this weekend I will be spending with Elisa (♥) being house-sitters for my sister and her bf. We planned to get drunk and have a marshmallow-contest - who can eat more marshmallows without vomiting. And we are going to watch Benny & Joon, and go Green Day nuts about Billie Joe's hairless arse :D
And then next week is coming. It's gonna be hard, tough. Extraordinary painful.
Tuesday will be awesome, spent with Jacque, and we are thinking about going to Eventyrhaven to just chill out.
Wednesday Jacque and I will meet up at Odense Station to go to Sjælland together. She's going to Fowsia's, I am going to Stine's. When I get to Stine's we are gonna get drunk, and Morten and I will be shooting her down with waterpistols and waterballons. THIS is gonna be great!
And then we are just gonna hang out till Friday - Friday is what is gonna kill me.
It's gonna be so mixed. I can't wait till I see everybody; Nikki, Theo, Nanna, Joy, Christian, Inge, JONAS, just everybody ... but June 25 is gonna be one of the worst dates in HIStory. I can't even get myself to think about the pain that is gonna inflict all of the City Square of Copenhagen on that date. So many tears, so much love, so much pain, so much frustrations.. It's gonna be straight-downwards Hell.
But let's just make the best of it; if we can.
Peace out, folks
from Cute Is What We Aim For, and I decided it was time for an update before leaving to make some dinner for my beloved father.There still isn't any progress in my home-hunting in the big city, but I am planning to talk to my friend about her dorm and what she thinks about me applying for a room there asap.
Buuuuuut, this weekend I will be spending with Elisa (♥) being house-sitters for my sister and her bf. We planned to get drunk and have a marshmallow-contest - who can eat more marshmallows without vomiting. And we are going to watch Benny & Joon, and go Green Day nuts about Billie Joe's hairless arse :D
And then next week is coming. It's gonna be hard, tough. Extraordinary painful.
Tuesday will be awesome, spent with Jacque, and we are thinking about going to Eventyrhaven to just chill out.
Wednesday Jacque and I will meet up at Odense Station to go to Sjælland together. She's going to Fowsia's, I am going to Stine's. When I get to Stine's we are gonna get drunk, and Morten and I will be shooting her down with waterpistols and waterballons. THIS is gonna be great!
And then we are just gonna hang out till Friday - Friday is what is gonna kill me.
It's gonna be so mixed. I can't wait till I see everybody; Nikki, Theo, Nanna, Joy, Christian, Inge, JONAS, just everybody ... but June 25 is gonna be one of the worst dates in HIStory. I can't even get myself to think about the pain that is gonna inflict all of the City Square of Copenhagen on that date. So many tears, so much love, so much pain, so much frustrations.. It's gonna be straight-downwards Hell.
But let's just make the best of it; if we can.
Peace out, folks
6.13.2010
6.11.2010
my decision
I made a decision that has been on it's way for a long time. But now it is for real, and now it is seriously gonna happen. This is it!
I have always been miserable living where I live. I hate it here, and I have never fitted in, as I am not from this part of Denmark, and everybody knows, and I can feel it myself.
But now it is too much for me, and I have decided to move outta here. I am currently looking for places to live in the Copenhagen area, and I hope that something will come up soon.
I don't know how to make this work, I have never moved by myself before, never lived entirely on my own, and it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but it's good. It's a cool feeling to be scared like this.
I just hope that everything works out for me, cause I don't want anyone up in my face with all their "I told you you couldn't handle being on your own"-typical bullshit.
This is what I need to do for me. For once in my life I am doing what I know is the best thing for me. And I can't figure out whether it is a good or a bad thing.
Will I ever be able to make it on my own?
I have always been miserable living where I live. I hate it here, and I have never fitted in, as I am not from this part of Denmark, and everybody knows, and I can feel it myself.
But now it is too much for me, and I have decided to move outta here. I am currently looking for places to live in the Copenhagen area, and I hope that something will come up soon.
I don't know how to make this work, I have never moved by myself before, never lived entirely on my own, and it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but it's good. It's a cool feeling to be scared like this.
I just hope that everything works out for me, cause I don't want anyone up in my face with all their "I told you you couldn't handle being on your own"-typical bullshit.
This is what I need to do for me. For once in my life I am doing what I know is the best thing for me. And I can't figure out whether it is a good or a bad thing.
Will I ever be able to make it on my own?
shit
This is some seriously shit I have gotten myself into, and I have no idea what to think of it, but yet I can't help thinking about it - all the effin time!
I don't know what to do about myself, I don't know what to do about this, I don't know what to do about anything.
And I have no way of figuring it out, and it's killing me.
Jesus ....
I don't know what to do about myself, I don't know what to do about this, I don't know what to do about anything.
And I have no way of figuring it out, and it's killing me.
Jesus ....
no, oh no
I slipped my hand under her skirt
I said "Don't worry, it's not gonna hurt"
I made my fingers find their way
Made my lips stray
Her body nice and warm
My blood not willing to calm
Her moaning in my ear
My eyes closed, unable to stare
Her breasts all firm
Me not letting her head turn
Wanting her to feel the joy
Letting her feel my decoy
Her pussy tight and hot
The feeling of never getting enough
The silent moaning, the sudden screams
Can't help letting my smile light up in a beam
6.02.2010
amazing weekend straight ahead
So... I was actually pretty sure that this weekend was gonna die, and I would end up sitting home alone bored as hell, as I have done so often.
But then it all got saved last minute, and now I am thrilled!
Tomorrow Thursday I will start my day by going to a meeting with my social worker-thingy (not so funny -.-), but after that I will head for the shoe store to get my amazing pink babies :D
Then I will go home, get ready and then head for the big bad city Copenhagen to find my beloved Theo, and drag him to the infamous The Dreams concert. He is gonna meet, almost, all the amazing dreamers, and the amazing THE DREAMS - my wonderful guys. It's gonna be awesome!
After the show we're spending the night at Amalie's with Laura, whom I haven't seen for a year this Saturday, so I am dying to give her a great, and long, hug ...
Friday Theo and I will be going back to Copenhagen and having a waterballoon fight, so watch out ;)
After that we will be going to his place to watch Sakin Live, which I am really looking forward to, cause I haven't seen it in a reallyreallyreally loooong time, and I miss it - can't wait till I see his face as we watch it. Those dudes are seriously fucked up ...
After Sakin Live I will be going to Stine's place, and we are heading for the bar, and we are about to get piiiiiiissed - which I haven't been for God knows how long, so that is gonna be ... let's say interesting ;)
Saturday I have no idea what I am gonna do, but I hope to team up with Theo again - I can be without him for too long can I? [insert blushing emoticon here]
And now I am gonna check on the auction for Theo's birthday present, and after that... I don't know what I am gonna do after that? Now I just have to reply Jonas - if I feel like it *OLE*
But then it all got saved last minute, and now I am thrilled!
Tomorrow Thursday I will start my day by going to a meeting with my social worker-thingy (not so funny -.-), but after that I will head for the shoe store to get my amazing pink babies :D
Then I will go home, get ready and then head for the big bad city Copenhagen to find my beloved Theo, and drag him to the infamous The Dreams concert. He is gonna meet, almost, all the amazing dreamers, and the amazing THE DREAMS - my wonderful guys. It's gonna be awesome!
After the show we're spending the night at Amalie's with Laura, whom I haven't seen for a year this Saturday, so I am dying to give her a great, and long, hug ...
Friday Theo and I will be going back to Copenhagen and having a waterballoon fight, so watch out ;)
After that we will be going to his place to watch Sakin Live, which I am really looking forward to, cause I haven't seen it in a reallyreallyreally loooong time, and I miss it - can't wait till I see his face as we watch it. Those dudes are seriously fucked up ...
After Sakin Live I will be going to Stine's place, and we are heading for the bar, and we are about to get piiiiiiissed - which I haven't been for God knows how long, so that is gonna be ... let's say interesting ;)
Saturday I have no idea what I am gonna do, but I hope to team up with Theo again - I can be without him for too long can I? [insert blushing emoticon here]
And now I am gonna check on the auction for Theo's birthday present, and after that... I don't know what I am gonna do after that? Now I just have to reply Jonas - if I feel like it *OLE*
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