lots of changes

So here's what happened.
He did!
 As always....
It's amazing how I can walk around every day, not really thinking about him, but then I see him and BAM! he hits me like a train on an early Saturday Morning.
I don't know what I did, and I don't know what he did. I don't know why it has to be this way, but I do know that as it looks right now, it's not likely that it's gonna change any day soon.
This has been going on for over 2 years now. TWO YEARS! he's been stuck in my head, though I've did what every teen movie tells people in my situation to do.
I did hang out with other people, I did go out and meet new people, I did have some fun, I did think of something else, I was with someone else, I was with someone who didn't even have anything to do with him, little even know that he exists, I did go out and get drunk, and I did a lot of things to try and get over him.
But yet he sits there with his big smile, his beautiful tattoos and his long fluffy hair asking how I am, and telling me that he missed me, and all those things he keep doing that keeps on breaking my heart over and over and over again.
I need changes in my life. Lots of changes.
I need to live a new place, where I can go out and have fun and get drunk and spent time on useless things. I need to live a little and spent some time on making myself happy, and letting myself have some self esteem.
I need to learn how to love myself, and I need to learn how to not care. I need to have some friends, friends I can actually be with, instead of just all of this IM'ing/texting.
It sucks, and I'm freaking sick of being lonely.

What I need is to leave this life behind, and start all over with a new one.
The only thing is, I need to figure out if I want to carry pieces from this life with me, or if I should leave everything behind..

Eating my heart out

I hate this day. Now I'm gonna have to face reality - I can't deal with it.
I think I'm going to break

Lyrics Of The Day: The Only Exception

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry

and curse at the wind

He broke his own heart and I watched

as he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that she would

never let herself forget

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love

if it does not exist

But darling you are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my heart

that love never lasts

And we've got to find other ways to make it alone

or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this, 

keeping a comfortable distance

And up until now I had sworn 

that I'm contempt with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, you are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't

let go of what's in front of me here

I know you're leaving in the morning 

when you wake up

Leave me with some kind of proof 

it's not a dream

You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing ...

Artist: Paramore

Year: 2009

Album: Brand New Eyes

Song: The Only Exception 

Youtube: The Only Exception