lots of changes

So here's what happened.
He did!
 As always....
It's amazing how I can walk around every day, not really thinking about him, but then I see him and BAM! he hits me like a train on an early Saturday Morning.
I don't know what I did, and I don't know what he did. I don't know why it has to be this way, but I do know that as it looks right now, it's not likely that it's gonna change any day soon.
This has been going on for over 2 years now. TWO YEARS! he's been stuck in my head, though I've did what every teen movie tells people in my situation to do.
I did hang out with other people, I did go out and meet new people, I did have some fun, I did think of something else, I was with someone else, I was with someone who didn't even have anything to do with him, little even know that he exists, I did go out and get drunk, and I did a lot of things to try and get over him.
But yet he sits there with his big smile, his beautiful tattoos and his long fluffy hair asking how I am, and telling me that he missed me, and all those things he keep doing that keeps on breaking my heart over and over and over again.
I need changes in my life. Lots of changes.
I need to live a new place, where I can go out and have fun and get drunk and spent time on useless things. I need to live a little and spent some time on making myself happy, and letting myself have some self esteem.
I need to learn how to love myself, and I need to learn how to not care. I need to have some friends, friends I can actually be with, instead of just all of this IM'ing/texting.
It sucks, and I'm freaking sick of being lonely.

What I need is to leave this life behind, and start all over with a new one.
The only thing is, I need to figure out if I want to carry pieces from this life with me, or if I should leave everything behind..

It's up to you New York, New York ...

I made a decision!
As soon as I have graduated I am gonna go to the US for a year, or maybe more, to work as an au-pair.
I've been having this dream since I was a little girl, and I've checked out all there is know about it - TWICE!
The only thing I need to get clear now is a few tiny details; I need to graduate, I need to have a drivers license... and I need to figure out whether I want to go to New York or Los Angeles.
Which is my biggest problem - the other two things can be sorted out in two years. And I am already working on that.
So I did what everybody is doing these days; I asked Facebook for advice.
I made a Facebook status update simply just saying "New York or LA, people?" and I guess that most people were ruling for LA as far as I can tell.
But the problem is that there are so many great things about both cities that makes me think that this is the place I wanna go.
So I ended up with the decision that I need to make a pros vs. cons list for both cities. Which I will start doing soon. As soon as I know where to start.

And then some way, in the middle of all of this, I ended up making a deal with a friend called Laura, that we should go to New York together. Soon. Fall break actually. Week 42 this year.
If everything goes right of course. We both need to get the money, which shouldn't be that hard, because I found a really cheap deal, that seems very sweet - a bargain actually. But how in the world do I do that when I'm studying?! *wishing for a job to come along*
And the next problem is : her parents! Will they ever let her go?
She's 16 years old, and she's in high school. She's a good kid though ...
No absence from school, goes to work loyally, helps her parents around the house ... she's a really good kid. A sweet girl. I wish I was hanging more out with her. But hey, this is the time.
And her parents did let her go to the Faroe Islands on her own last year - when she was only 15, so ... and this time she'll be with me - the 21 year old, responsible student, who lives at with her dad to help him because of his illnesses.
I just hope everything works out. I really, really wanna go to New York - and with Laura it would be even greater, cause this would be an experience of a life time for both of us.

Wish me luck, people

A Walk To Africa

There's this friend of mine that I haven't talk to for ages. The last time I heard from him was March, I think. No one had heard from him. It was like he had disappeared from the surface of the Earth.
And then this night I was surfing around Facebook as I do so very often, and I suddenly saw that he was on line. So right away I texted him on the IM-thingy tool. I was really afraid that he weren't gonna reply me, so I held my breath. But he did! He replied almost instantly ...
Of course I asked him what had happened. And said how worried I had been, that I was starting to fear that he was dead or something. And he told me that he had been very close a lot of times.
He told me that he had started walking, without really knowing where he was heading for. Suddenly he found himself at the border between Denmark and Germany, where he met a truck driver who offered him a ride. So he accepted, and drove with the nice man to Greece. In Greece he met some fishermen who were going to Africa, so then he jumped on a boat, and ended up in Egypt where he spent a bit time before heading back home.
This is just the coolest thing that I have ever heard about, it is so amazingly awesome that I have no words for it.
I just sit here, and envy him so much! I wish that I had the courage, and the will-power to get out on a trip like that.
I just hope that I can talk him into taking me on his next adventure. It's just so cool.
I really admire that boy.

Below I have found a map where I have drawn his route. It's a little shaky as I am such a sucker at using those kind of computer tools.
Black line is from Odense, Denmark to the border to Germany.
The red line is the trip from Germany to Greece, and the blue is the oversea trip from Greece to Egypt.
Look at what this guy have achieved!

If you truly look inside of your heart, would you ever have dared yourself to go out on a journey quite as spectacular as this?

The Day You Slipped Away

Listening to: Broken by Seether

The Day You Slipped Away

I miss you
Miss you so bad
I won't forget you
Oh it's so sad

Is there some way that you can hear me?
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away

I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I wish you would be again
I know that there's no chance

Is there some way that you can hear me?
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up?
I keep asking why

My world is trembling
My body's numbing
The Oceans are running dry

And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened
You passed by

Is there some way that you can hear me?
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away

No matter how hard I try
I can't bring you back

Eating my heart out

I hate this day. Now I'm gonna have to face reality - I can't deal with it.
I think I'm going to break

I came here to make you dance tonight

So... I am sitting at Stine's floor with Cobra Starship's Guilty Pleasure (Album Version) in my brain, and I haven't been able to get it out since I heard it last afternoon. Not that it bothers me, but it's only two freaking lines.
Stine is fast asleep and I have been awake for around an hour and a half now, and I can't sleep anymore, so I thought that I'd just update this.

I don't know how I feel today. Kinda numb I guess. I got things straightened out with my friend yesterday. Which is good, cause I don't ever wanna lose him. I really love him, though he can be a jerk. But hey, who can't, am I right..
But I'm still feeling like I am gonna explode about that chick that annoys the crap outta me, and I can't really deal with the thought of seeing her tomorrow.

And then there's the case about tomorrow...   June 25th. The Black Day. The Date that's been eating my heart out for a year now.
I can't wrap my brain around it. It's just too much. It's killing me, and all the sudden it is just so real. It's like a nightmare where I'm running from a hideous clown but aren't getting anywhere and th freak is just coming closer and closer and no matter how much I tear my lungs out to scream, no sound is coming out.
It's just.. unbearable..

Yesterday I woke up from this amazing, just wonderful, dream that just seemed so real. It weren't anything big. We were just being together, spending time together. Talking, laughing, embracing each other - just Michael and me. It was so fantastic. And it was so real that when I woke up I could still feel the touch of his skin, smell the sweet scent of his hair, hear his humming in my ear. It killed me. I cried for half an hour when I realized what reality was.
And now I can't seem to stop thinking about it - about him. About the fact that I will never get the chance to hug him, to feel him, to look into those big brown eyes with the amazing lashes.

Michael Jackson, I miss you. Please come back to me?

randomness

Sápublørir eru lívið

call me a whiner - I don't freaking care

Listening to: Fall Out Boy 'Send Postcards From A Plane Crash (wish you were here)'

So, the last few days have been frustrating in so many ways.
I haven't talked to someone I considered one of my best friends in over a week, which is weird cause usually we talk every day all the time, but he wont return my phone calls or respond to my texts, and he haven't been online on Messenger that often, and when he has been he haven't contacted me at all. This made me worried about him, so Sunday night I sent him a text telling him that I was worried, not a sound in response. A few hours later he talked to me on Messenger as if nothing had happened, and I decided to let it be, and just take "the talk" about the past week later on cause I was kinda in the middle of something when he wrote me. But then all the sudden, out of the blue, he got all cold, and after a few cold responses he stopped replying.
I haven't contacted him since, cause I feel that this is his responsibility - it's him who have been ignoring me, and I can't keep up texting him or calling him to figure out what's going on with him.

Then there was a change of plans about this weekend, and the party there was meant to be a our friends' house is off, which gave me a few probs about places to stay, but Nikki and I got a deal with my friend Stine to crash at her place Friday. Then I was left with Saturday as a problem, so my Jonas asked if him and me could stay at this friend I thought was of my best friends' place. Jonas could, but there was no way that there was room for me there. That made me a little suspicious.
But now I just found out that a few of our other friends are staying there too. So now I'm seriously pissed at him. If I did something wrong he could at least have the decency to tell me!

And then there's this girl that I have been friends with for a bit more than half a year. Since November I guess. She's always had tiny things that have annoyed me, but I have put up with it, cause hey, we can't all like everything about each other.
But now it has just become too much. The more I think about it, the more I dislike her, and get annoyed by her. And I feel really bad about it, cause I don't think that she even realizes the things she does.
I just think that she is so self-centered and shallow and attention-desperate, and I just can't stand those kinda things.
She turns things that should be private and intimate and are actually really bad into some kind of circus to get attention, and it makes nauseated. I think it's sick and wrong those things that she does, and my honest opinion is that this girl needs some kind of help.
It is true though that she has been through a lot in her life, and that it must have been really tough for her and her family - but so have I, and I don't go around whining about it all the time just to get attention.
I hate her pity-crusade. It's wrong, it's sick and she needs help.

Normally when people gets on my last nerve I tell them, but how the Hell should I ever be able to tell her this?!
Everyone thinks that she is "soooo brave" and that she is "such a good person", so if I ever point this out to her she can tie them around her little finger in a second and I will end up losing a lot of people I really care about. I am starting to believe that that is what have happened with my (ex) best friend, cause he sees her as some kind of goddess that are unable to make mistakes, another thing that makes me wanna puke.

Many people might raise an eyebrow about this statement and think "hey, she's so obviously jealous", and trust me, I have gone that side of the story over and over again in my head. But no, it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with jealousy, cause she has nothing that I am interested in.
I am not interested in the kind of attention that she constantly seeks, I am not interested in being looked at as the "never-failing goodie goodie". No way, cause that is not me.
I just think that people are giving her attention on a false basis, and my respect for her sinks deeper and deeper every time I hear from her.

And I will end this now before my head explodes.
Thank you for putting up with my irrational, and extreme, garbage. All I know is that it really loosened up to get this out of my system cause I have been carrying it around for a long time now.
Let's just hope it doesn't escalate this Friday where I am forced to fake a smile for her.

Disco fever and Pirates Of The Caribbean

Sooo...   I just got home from house sitting my sisters apartment with my friend Elisa, and jesus, it was hilarious.

Friday we ran around the mall; me with a fake mustache, her with a children's viking helmet. People stared alot, and we got a few laughs from folks all around.
Then we went to the apartment where we ordered pizza, and played a looo-oooot of playstation - Pirates of the Caribbean. Dang are we some kick ass pirates!
Then we watched Cry Baby (Director's Cut) with the hottie Johnny Depp *drool* and after that we watched Eurotrip (Unrated Widescreen Edition) which is such a nice laugh!
Saturday we goofed with a little more playstation, and I must say that I am a pretty good Daredevil, and Elisa makes a nice Spiderman :D
Then we watched some Friends: Complete Fifth Season (4pc) (Std Sub), how can anyone NOT love this?
Later we made some crepes, and watched Road Trip (Unrated Edition). I can't believe Elisa hadn't seen those movies before. They're just epic!
Then we tuned in to the crabby music channels Denmark can come up with, turned up the volume, popped the Asti and Mokai and went crazy making wild 80's-like hair and make-up, and dressed up, goofing around, dancing around the apartment acting crazy. Singing along on the bad songs from the TV, and talking wildly about everybody we know (oh yeah, we did *OLE*).
Sunday we just chilled out, watching funny vids on youtube, and then we cleaned after ourselves as we listened to Tré Cool songs, and other weird stuff.

When I got home I got over ecstatic, cause I found that my Off the Wall [Vinyl] had arrived, and my Kurt Cobain: Journals too, so now I am just gonna read my ass of while listening to old records. Sweet Sunday, man..
When I got home the weather was nice, all sunny and warm, but after I had been home for around 30 minutes it started raining - no, not raining POURING! so I decided to put on my favorite Mr. Bean boxers and my Michael Jackson Ghosts t-shirt and dance around in the spontaneous summer rain, which was just amazing.
When I got inside the house again I was all soaked, and my t-shirt was clinging to my body like I had been pushed in the pool or something.

So...  this was my weekend. Now I just have to deal with my bad feelings about me not having been working out since Thursday :/

Ozzy Osbourne show

So...  yesterday my ticket arrived. My ticket to Heaven, almost..
My ticket for the Ozzy Osbourne concert in Herning on August 30th. I just can't wait!
I'll be going with my lovely friend, Mary, and we'll be meeting up with other people outside the venue. I think we're gonna queue up a few days before the show - to make sure we get awesome spots, because we didn't get tickets to the inner stage, which sucks. But we're gonna make the best of it, and have a great time anyway.
I've just been dying to see this man in concert ever since I was born. My dad has always been playing me Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne, so it runs in my blood to love him.
I CAN'T WAIT!!

THE PRINCE OF FUCKING DARKNESS!

Sweat The Battle Before The Battle Sweats You

Sitting here listening to Sweat the Battle Before the Battle Sweats You (Album Version) from Cute Is What We Aim For, and I decided it was time for an update before leaving to make some dinner for my beloved father.
There still isn't any progress in my home-hunting in the big city, but I am planning to talk to my friend about her dorm and what she thinks about me applying for a room there asap.
Buuuuuut, this weekend I will be spending with Elisa (♥) being house-sitters for my sister and her bf. We planned to get drunk and have a marshmallow-contest - who can eat more marshmallows without vomiting. And we are going to watch Benny & Joon, and go Green Day nuts about Billie Joe's hairless arse :D

And then next week is coming. It's gonna be hard, tough. Extraordinary painful.
Tuesday will be awesome, spent with Jacque, and we are thinking about going to Eventyrhaven to just chill out.
Wednesday Jacque and I will meet up at Odense Station to go to Sjælland together. She's going to Fowsia's, I am going to Stine's. When I get to Stine's we are gonna get drunk, and Morten and I will be shooting her down with waterpistols and waterballons. THIS is gonna be great!
And then we are just gonna hang out till Friday - Friday is what is gonna kill me.
It's gonna be so mixed. I can't wait till I see everybody; Nikki, Theo, Nanna, Joy, Christian, Inge, JONAS, just everybody ... but June 25 is gonna be one of the worst dates in HIStory. I can't even get myself to think about the pain that is gonna inflict all of the City Square of Copenhagen on that date. So many tears, so much love, so much pain, so much frustrations..  It's gonna be straight-downwards Hell.

But let's just make the best of it; if we can.

Peace out, folks

my decision

I made a decision that has been on it's way for a long time. But now it is for real, and now it is seriously gonna happen. This is it!
I have always been miserable living where I live. I hate it here, and I have never fitted in, as I am not from this part of Denmark, and everybody knows, and I can feel it myself.
But now it is too much for me, and I have decided to move outta here. I am currently looking for places to live in the Copenhagen area, and I hope that something will come up soon.
I don't know how to make this work, I have never moved by myself before, never lived entirely on my own, and it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but it's good. It's a cool feeling to be scared like this.
I just hope that everything works out for me, cause I don't want anyone up in my face with all their "I told you you couldn't handle being on your own"-typical bullshit.
This is what I need to do for me. For once in my life I am doing what I know is the best thing for me. And I can't figure out whether it is a good or a bad thing.
Will I ever be able to make it on my own?

we are the waiting

Just sitting here listening to Green Day Are We The Waiting/St. Jimmy, and just thought that I would throw something out here before leaving to be all family-social with fake smiles and nice clothing. Yup, story of my life...
Earlier this day I was talking to a friend on MSN, cause yeah, that's where I live my life during normal days, and it occured to me that even though he and I have only spent a few hours together just him and me, he is one of the friends that I have that I haven't know for a long time that knows me the best.
It was kinda scary to think about, cause usually it takes people years and years to get under my skin, to really get to know me. But not him, not this kid, he just got to me.
He's a lot younger than me, and it shows sometimes, but I really don't think about it, cause I feel comfortable around him. I feel comfortable about telling him my thoughts, my secrets, letting him know my life - aspects of my life that I'm not even sure my best friend knows about.
It scares me. It really does. It scares me that I can be so vulnerable to a person that I haven't known for more than a few months - and it's a boy, a guy, a man, he's XY-chromosed - and those are the one that frigthens me to death.
And now I just sit wondering; how the hell did he get to me? what's with this boy?
I can only say one thing - I love him, I hope I'm not scare him off, he means alot to me.

Yeah, there might be alot more here about him, crazy talk or something like that..
afterall...  crazy talk is what I do best.
Now I will hear In The Closet (oh yum, Michael Jackson moaning *dies*) and then I will leave to be superficial and nice to people that doesn't like me.
See ya out there, bloggers, stalkers, and other airheads.

Peace, and keep the faith

to ride a giraffe..........

So..  this is my blog.
For the first time on blogspot ever...

But now I sit wondering...  what should I be blogging about?
My head is kind of a big mess at the moment..       and the crazy thing is, that even though there really is a loooot of stuff going on in my head, I can't seem to find the words to tell what it is.
Oh yeah..   family, friends, distances between my friends and I, job (crabby boss), and yes, of course...   A BOY!
I can't seem to get this boy out of my mind! It's so freaked cause I already know that he doesn't feel the same way, and yet it feels like it keeps getting more and more intense what I am feeling. It freaks me out..
He's one of my best friends, and luckily for me nothing has changed between us since I told him about my feelings - which only made my feelings grow, cause it makes him even more *dysh*

Uh! but hey, there's a sunshine at the other side of the rainy skies..   next weekend I am going clubbing with a friend that I haven't really spent much time with 101, so it's gonna be awesome..  our plan is to dress up all 80'like and then go dance at bars. Then Saturday we're gonna hang with a friend and we're gonna go all Michael Jackson crazy, and watch dvds, listening to old records and just talk about his greats and jokes, and check out my collection of MJ-stuff..
I've never had MJ-fans at my place before so it's gonna be weird...   but nice..

So, I have no idea what more to write, and I feel like I'm just blabbing away about nothing so I am not gonna take up more of anyone's time..  *cloudybrains*
Nighty night for now, folks *hugging all around*

Peace out, and keep the faith
Love