There's nothing like true love between friends
Showing posts with label secret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secret. Show all posts
9.30.2010
6.22.2010
call me a whiner - I don't freaking care
Listening to: Fall Out Boy 'Send Postcards From A Plane Crash (wish you were here)'
So, the last few days have been frustrating in so many ways.
I haven't talked to someone I considered one of my best friends in over a week, which is weird cause usually we talk every day all the time, but he wont return my phone calls or respond to my texts, and he haven't been online on Messenger that often, and when he has been he haven't contacted me at all. This made me worried about him, so Sunday night I sent him a text telling him that I was worried, not a sound in response. A few hours later he talked to me on Messenger as if nothing had happened, and I decided to let it be, and just take "the talk" about the past week later on cause I was kinda in the middle of something when he wrote me. But then all the sudden, out of the blue, he got all cold, and after a few cold responses he stopped replying.
I haven't contacted him since, cause I feel that this is his responsibility - it's him who have been ignoring me, and I can't keep up texting him or calling him to figure out what's going on with him.
Then there was a change of plans about this weekend, and the party there was meant to be a our friends' house is off, which gave me a few probs about places to stay, but Nikki and I got a deal with my friend Stine to crash at her place Friday. Then I was left with Saturday as a problem, so my Jonas asked if him and me could stay at this friend I thought was of my best friends' place. Jonas could, but there was no way that there was room for me there. That made me a little suspicious.
But now I just found out that a few of our other friends are staying there too. So now I'm seriously pissed at him. If I did something wrong he could at least have the decency to tell me!
And then there's this girl that I have been friends with for a bit more than half a year. Since November I guess. She's always had tiny things that have annoyed me, but I have put up with it, cause hey, we can't all like everything about each other.
But now it has just become too much. The more I think about it, the more I dislike her, and get annoyed by her. And I feel really bad about it, cause I don't think that she even realizes the things she does.
I just think that she is so self-centered and shallow and attention-desperate, and I just can't stand those kinda things.
She turns things that should be private and intimate and are actually really bad into some kind of circus to get attention, and it makes nauseated. I think it's sick and wrong those things that she does, and my honest opinion is that this girl needs some kind of help.
It is true though that she has been through a lot in her life, and that it must have been really tough for her and her family - but so have I, and I don't go around whining about it all the time just to get attention.
I hate her pity-crusade. It's wrong, it's sick and she needs help.
Normally when people gets on my last nerve I tell them, but how the Hell should I ever be able to tell her this?!
Everyone thinks that she is "soooo brave" and that she is "such a good person", so if I ever point this out to her she can tie them around her little finger in a second and I will end up losing a lot of people I really care about. I am starting to believe that that is what have happened with my (ex) best friend, cause he sees her as some kind of goddess that are unable to make mistakes, another thing that makes me wanna puke.
Many people might raise an eyebrow about this statement and think "hey, she's so obviously jealous", and trust me, I have gone that side of the story over and over again in my head. But no, it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with jealousy, cause she has nothing that I am interested in.
I am not interested in the kind of attention that she constantly seeks, I am not interested in being looked at as the "never-failing goodie goodie". No way, cause that is not me.
I just think that people are giving her attention on a false basis, and my respect for her sinks deeper and deeper every time I hear from her.
And I will end this now before my head explodes.
Thank you for putting up with my irrational, and extreme, garbage. All I know is that it really loosened up to get this out of my system cause I have been carrying it around for a long time now.
Let's just hope it doesn't escalate this Friday where I am forced to fake a smile for her.
So, the last few days have been frustrating in so many ways.
I haven't talked to someone I considered one of my best friends in over a week, which is weird cause usually we talk every day all the time, but he wont return my phone calls or respond to my texts, and he haven't been online on Messenger that often, and when he has been he haven't contacted me at all. This made me worried about him, so Sunday night I sent him a text telling him that I was worried, not a sound in response. A few hours later he talked to me on Messenger as if nothing had happened, and I decided to let it be, and just take "the talk" about the past week later on cause I was kinda in the middle of something when he wrote me. But then all the sudden, out of the blue, he got all cold, and after a few cold responses he stopped replying.
I haven't contacted him since, cause I feel that this is his responsibility - it's him who have been ignoring me, and I can't keep up texting him or calling him to figure out what's going on with him.
Then there was a change of plans about this weekend, and the party there was meant to be a our friends' house is off, which gave me a few probs about places to stay, but Nikki and I got a deal with my friend Stine to crash at her place Friday. Then I was left with Saturday as a problem, so my Jonas asked if him and me could stay at this friend I thought was of my best friends' place. Jonas could, but there was no way that there was room for me there. That made me a little suspicious.
But now I just found out that a few of our other friends are staying there too. So now I'm seriously pissed at him. If I did something wrong he could at least have the decency to tell me!
And then there's this girl that I have been friends with for a bit more than half a year. Since November I guess. She's always had tiny things that have annoyed me, but I have put up with it, cause hey, we can't all like everything about each other.
But now it has just become too much. The more I think about it, the more I dislike her, and get annoyed by her. And I feel really bad about it, cause I don't think that she even realizes the things she does.
I just think that she is so self-centered and shallow and attention-desperate, and I just can't stand those kinda things.
She turns things that should be private and intimate and are actually really bad into some kind of circus to get attention, and it makes nauseated. I think it's sick and wrong those things that she does, and my honest opinion is that this girl needs some kind of help.
It is true though that she has been through a lot in her life, and that it must have been really tough for her and her family - but so have I, and I don't go around whining about it all the time just to get attention.
I hate her pity-crusade. It's wrong, it's sick and she needs help.
Normally when people gets on my last nerve I tell them, but how the Hell should I ever be able to tell her this?!
Everyone thinks that she is "soooo brave" and that she is "such a good person", so if I ever point this out to her she can tie them around her little finger in a second and I will end up losing a lot of people I really care about. I am starting to believe that that is what have happened with my (ex) best friend, cause he sees her as some kind of goddess that are unable to make mistakes, another thing that makes me wanna puke.
Many people might raise an eyebrow about this statement and think "hey, she's so obviously jealous", and trust me, I have gone that side of the story over and over again in my head. But no, it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with jealousy, cause she has nothing that I am interested in.
I am not interested in the kind of attention that she constantly seeks, I am not interested in being looked at as the "never-failing goodie goodie". No way, cause that is not me.
I just think that people are giving her attention on a false basis, and my respect for her sinks deeper and deeper every time I hear from her.
And I will end this now before my head explodes.
Thank you for putting up with my irrational, and extreme, garbage. All I know is that it really loosened up to get this out of my system cause I have been carrying it around for a long time now.
Let's just hope it doesn't escalate this Friday where I am forced to fake a smile for her.
6.11.2010
my decision
I made a decision that has been on it's way for a long time. But now it is for real, and now it is seriously gonna happen. This is it!
I have always been miserable living where I live. I hate it here, and I have never fitted in, as I am not from this part of Denmark, and everybody knows, and I can feel it myself.
But now it is too much for me, and I have decided to move outta here. I am currently looking for places to live in the Copenhagen area, and I hope that something will come up soon.
I don't know how to make this work, I have never moved by myself before, never lived entirely on my own, and it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but it's good. It's a cool feeling to be scared like this.
I just hope that everything works out for me, cause I don't want anyone up in my face with all their "I told you you couldn't handle being on your own"-typical bullshit.
This is what I need to do for me. For once in my life I am doing what I know is the best thing for me. And I can't figure out whether it is a good or a bad thing.
Will I ever be able to make it on my own?
I have always been miserable living where I live. I hate it here, and I have never fitted in, as I am not from this part of Denmark, and everybody knows, and I can feel it myself.
But now it is too much for me, and I have decided to move outta here. I am currently looking for places to live in the Copenhagen area, and I hope that something will come up soon.
I don't know how to make this work, I have never moved by myself before, never lived entirely on my own, and it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but it's good. It's a cool feeling to be scared like this.
I just hope that everything works out for me, cause I don't want anyone up in my face with all their "I told you you couldn't handle being on your own"-typical bullshit.
This is what I need to do for me. For once in my life I am doing what I know is the best thing for me. And I can't figure out whether it is a good or a bad thing.
Will I ever be able to make it on my own?
5.30.2010
my secret - just for him
I will never have the guts to tell him anyways - so let's do it this way
He will never see it here, so I guess he'll never know.
Maybe it's better that way.
I mean this - forever
5.27.2010
You
If I could touch the stars
And bring you the moon
Let the sun shine an eternal light on you
Make the clouds your dance floor
The sea your playground
Would I then matter to you at all?
Would you see me as I see you?
I would do anything to let you see me
the way that I see you
The way I'm not even sure you know that I do
I want us to be more
I want you
5.24.2010
That most annoying feeling...
It's been two amazing days with Theo and Julie at my place..
but now I feel empty, and my house feels empty, and it's making me depressed as hell..
I miss Theo to cuddle with, and to curl into a ball while holding his hand, and my head on his shoulder. It's not fair to have this damn distance between us - the world is just mean.
I don't know how I feel right now.
I think I've pushed my feelings for him (not Theo) away - and yet again I am not sure.
But I don't know. It feels like I've got an emptiness inside - I can't seem to get rid off it.
If I don't feel like that about him anymore, who should I dream of instead? If I don't feel like that about him anymore, who am I going to fall for, that I am really not supposed to fall for?
........one thing I do know is; this is a huge mess..
but now I feel empty, and my house feels empty, and it's making me depressed as hell..
I miss Theo to cuddle with, and to curl into a ball while holding his hand, and my head on his shoulder. It's not fair to have this damn distance between us - the world is just mean.
I don't know how I feel right now.
I think I've pushed my feelings for him (not Theo) away - and yet again I am not sure.
But I don't know. It feels like I've got an emptiness inside - I can't seem to get rid off it.
If I don't feel like that about him anymore, who should I dream of instead? If I don't feel like that about him anymore, who am I going to fall for, that I am really not supposed to fall for?
........one thing I do know is; this is a huge mess..
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