lots of changes

So here's what happened.
He did!
 As always....
It's amazing how I can walk around every day, not really thinking about him, but then I see him and BAM! he hits me like a train on an early Saturday Morning.
I don't know what I did, and I don't know what he did. I don't know why it has to be this way, but I do know that as it looks right now, it's not likely that it's gonna change any day soon.
This has been going on for over 2 years now. TWO YEARS! he's been stuck in my head, though I've did what every teen movie tells people in my situation to do.
I did hang out with other people, I did go out and meet new people, I did have some fun, I did think of something else, I was with someone else, I was with someone who didn't even have anything to do with him, little even know that he exists, I did go out and get drunk, and I did a lot of things to try and get over him.
But yet he sits there with his big smile, his beautiful tattoos and his long fluffy hair asking how I am, and telling me that he missed me, and all those things he keep doing that keeps on breaking my heart over and over and over again.
I need changes in my life. Lots of changes.
I need to live a new place, where I can go out and have fun and get drunk and spent time on useless things. I need to live a little and spent some time on making myself happy, and letting myself have some self esteem.
I need to learn how to love myself, and I need to learn how to not care. I need to have some friends, friends I can actually be with, instead of just all of this IM'ing/texting.
It sucks, and I'm freaking sick of being lonely.

What I need is to leave this life behind, and start all over with a new one.
The only thing is, I need to figure out if I want to carry pieces from this life with me, or if I should leave everything behind..

Gay Pride, birthdays, and BH90210

Now with pictures :D

Friday 

going to Amalie's place

This weekend I was at Sjælland, because one of my best friends, Amalie, turned 15 this Saturday.
The plan was that I should arrive at her place Friday night, so I did.
I went on the train at 08.15pm from Odense, and arrived at Herlev station at 10.03pm, where I ran into two guys I've known for a few years. I very rarely see them, so I got really happy to see their beautiful faces. We talked for a bit, and they brought the good news that they had just become uncles - their brother had just got a beautiful little baby girl called Olivia. Love for babies.<3
Then I went to find Amalie, and we were headed home. Amalie, her brothers, her sister and I got straight to the living room to watch Harry Potter and The Sorcerers Stone. Halfway through the movie Amalie and I went to bed.

Saturday afternoon

early wakings and Rainbow Gay Pride

We got woken up by Amalie's older brothers singing the Danish birthday song for her - at 7.51am - pretty early for a Saturday morning. But we ended up forgiving them, because when  we got up we were met by a breakfast of Coco Pops, Cheerios, crêpes and bread rolls. All the sudden her morning grumpiness disappeared :D
After breakfast we got over and started watching Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. But just as Hermione Granger were petrified by the basilisk we had to get ready to go to Copenhagen.
A little stressed out we made it, and got on the train. At 1.00pm we were at city square. The square was filled with a stage at the one half, and the rest was filled with little market shops.
A true mix of people were all over the city that day. It was so beautiful. And all the amazing colors spreading from one end to another. I wish Copenhagen were like that every day.
We met a lot of people we know, and the big parade was so beautiful. I almost teared up for watching all of that love. I couldn't help feeling it deep inside my soul.

Theo and I hugging in front of the Copenhagen city hall.
Photographer: Christina Ihler Madsen

Julie and I in front of the Copenhagen city hall, after the parade
Photographer: Christina Ihler Madsen

NB: Pictures of the parade at the end of the blog

Saturday night

birthdays, Beverly Hills 90210, and nakedness

Guest list: Mary, Nanna, Theo, Terfa, Cille, Signe, Amanda,SC and Line

After all the partiness in the big bad city, we all went back to Amalie's house where we were going to throw her a big birthday party. Of course we were. We started with getting all the people into the house and then Mary, Mia (Amalie's sister) and I went downtown to get some food and booze.

We hurried to make some dinner, and eat, as we watched all of Fall Out Boy's videos...   a zillion times (♥)

Then we went straight on board with the drinking. We got a nice game of drinking cards on - around 10 people in one game, that was a pretty nice deal.

Signe had been a bit foggy already from the parade earlier on, so it didn't take long for her to catch up with that bender again. Terfa did pretty good on that account too. She was definitely the comic feature of the party. But fortunately she didn't get herself hurt, and she didn't get into any other kinds of trouble.

When the clock hit midnight SC and Amalie had made a Pact. Sunday was SC's birthday, so they decided (yeah okay, it was my idea) that SC should run around the garden all naked, and Amalie should run in just underwear. So they did. Thank God for Mary's video camera! One word: F A C B O O K ! 

 Unfortunately that was the time where people started to head home. So we ended up being 5 people sleeping there, besides Amalie and her sister.

And so bad, but we just realized now that we never got our Beverly Hills 90210 pictures taken, which sucks so bad, that I have to convince everybody that we have to throw a party SOON! themed BH90210.

Sunday

homecoming, and mr. Handsome

Theo and I decided to crash the couch, so there was room for the girls in Amalie's bedroom. And we got woken up by Signe saying goodbye. Too early if you ask me, I would have love to have a bit more time with her. Then we slept on, and ended up being waken up by Amalie talking about milk and remo. So gross.

We got up, and I started getting ready to head home. After I had swallowed my coffee and my breakfast in almost one quick motion I was so late for the train that I almost had to run all the way - and yay, as I arrived at the bus stop the bus was delayed, so I had to sit and wait. Just my luck, dude.

But I got in the train just as it started to rain. When I hit Valby where I was supposed to wait for 20 minutes it was pouring down. So after reading two chapters in my book, (The Prestige by Christopher Priest) I ran out dancing around in the rain, with a lot of people on the platform standing under the roof giving me odd looks.

I got on the train home, and when I hit Odense I only had to wait for 40 minutes, which isn't so bad, as opposed to how long I usually have to wait.

I was home around 02.40pm - real early for what time I normally get home after a few days on the other side of the ocean.

I went to my bedroom checking up on my email, and my on line friends. After that I watched a few episodes of Chuck (Chuck vs. Truth and Chuck vs. Tooth). Then I suddenly realized that it become late, so I went to the living room to watch last weeks episode of White Collar, Vital Signs, so I was sure to be on with it for tonights episode, Home Invasion. We had dinner, and then my sister started watching Ice Age 3, so I didn't get to watch White Collar tonight. Then I just have to watch it on my computer. No one can stand between Mr. Matt Bomer and me!

Time for bed 

bedtime stories, and long day ahead

And here I sit, getting prepared for my first real day of school for the first time in a year, as I am listening to Fall Out Boy. I am really excited for tomorrow, but man am I nervous - true that, dude...

Tomorrow's lessons: 08.30am Chemistry for three lessons, and then three lessons of Danish at 11.40am, and then I get off at 02.20pm - long day for me, I think so. And the best part is that I have to go to the gym directly after school, yes ma'am!

Now I will pack up the last stuff, and then I will watch White Collar, and then I will get myself some nice dreams about something...  let's just say nice ;)

Nighty night out there, all of you bloggers, stalkers, and freakshows ♥
  

Pictures as promised - better late than never, right :)

  

A Walk To Africa

There's this friend of mine that I haven't talk to for ages. The last time I heard from him was March, I think. No one had heard from him. It was like he had disappeared from the surface of the Earth.
And then this night I was surfing around Facebook as I do so very often, and I suddenly saw that he was on line. So right away I texted him on the IM-thingy tool. I was really afraid that he weren't gonna reply me, so I held my breath. But he did! He replied almost instantly ...
Of course I asked him what had happened. And said how worried I had been, that I was starting to fear that he was dead or something. And he told me that he had been very close a lot of times.
He told me that he had started walking, without really knowing where he was heading for. Suddenly he found himself at the border between Denmark and Germany, where he met a truck driver who offered him a ride. So he accepted, and drove with the nice man to Greece. In Greece he met some fishermen who were going to Africa, so then he jumped on a boat, and ended up in Egypt where he spent a bit time before heading back home.
This is just the coolest thing that I have ever heard about, it is so amazingly awesome that I have no words for it.
I just sit here, and envy him so much! I wish that I had the courage, and the will-power to get out on a trip like that.
I just hope that I can talk him into taking me on his next adventure. It's just so cool.
I really admire that boy.

Below I have found a map where I have drawn his route. It's a little shaky as I am such a sucker at using those kind of computer tools.
Black line is from Odense, Denmark to the border to Germany.
The red line is the trip from Germany to Greece, and the blue is the oversea trip from Greece to Egypt.
Look at what this guy have achieved!

If you truly look inside of your heart, would you ever have dared yourself to go out on a journey quite as spectacular as this?

Next Tattoo

So people...  I decided that it's time for a new tattoo.
The one I already have is around a year old soon, and I am dying to get a second one.
But the question is: what should it be?
I've already decided that it should be a Michael Jackson silhouette on my left lower arm. Underneath it I want the letters MJ and then the word Smile as it is Michael Jackson's favorite song, and whenever I will be sad I can look at it and remember that Michael would have wanted me to smile, not being sad.

So the big 1 million question is:
What silhouette should it be?

Here's a few to look at. My problem is that I love all of them. Help me out here, people, I count on your judgment :D

Eating my heart out

I hate this day. Now I'm gonna have to face reality - I can't deal with it.
I think I'm going to break

I came here to make you dance tonight

So... I am sitting at Stine's floor with Cobra Starship's Guilty Pleasure (Album Version) in my brain, and I haven't been able to get it out since I heard it last afternoon. Not that it bothers me, but it's only two freaking lines.
Stine is fast asleep and I have been awake for around an hour and a half now, and I can't sleep anymore, so I thought that I'd just update this.

I don't know how I feel today. Kinda numb I guess. I got things straightened out with my friend yesterday. Which is good, cause I don't ever wanna lose him. I really love him, though he can be a jerk. But hey, who can't, am I right..
But I'm still feeling like I am gonna explode about that chick that annoys the crap outta me, and I can't really deal with the thought of seeing her tomorrow.

And then there's the case about tomorrow...   June 25th. The Black Day. The Date that's been eating my heart out for a year now.
I can't wrap my brain around it. It's just too much. It's killing me, and all the sudden it is just so real. It's like a nightmare where I'm running from a hideous clown but aren't getting anywhere and th freak is just coming closer and closer and no matter how much I tear my lungs out to scream, no sound is coming out.
It's just.. unbearable..

Yesterday I woke up from this amazing, just wonderful, dream that just seemed so real. It weren't anything big. We were just being together, spending time together. Talking, laughing, embracing each other - just Michael and me. It was so fantastic. And it was so real that when I woke up I could still feel the touch of his skin, smell the sweet scent of his hair, hear his humming in my ear. It killed me. I cried for half an hour when I realized what reality was.
And now I can't seem to stop thinking about it - about him. About the fact that I will never get the chance to hug him, to feel him, to look into those big brown eyes with the amazing lashes.

Michael Jackson, I miss you. Please come back to me?

randomness

Sápublørir eru lívið

call me a whiner - I don't freaking care

Listening to: Fall Out Boy 'Send Postcards From A Plane Crash (wish you were here)'

So, the last few days have been frustrating in so many ways.
I haven't talked to someone I considered one of my best friends in over a week, which is weird cause usually we talk every day all the time, but he wont return my phone calls or respond to my texts, and he haven't been online on Messenger that often, and when he has been he haven't contacted me at all. This made me worried about him, so Sunday night I sent him a text telling him that I was worried, not a sound in response. A few hours later he talked to me on Messenger as if nothing had happened, and I decided to let it be, and just take "the talk" about the past week later on cause I was kinda in the middle of something when he wrote me. But then all the sudden, out of the blue, he got all cold, and after a few cold responses he stopped replying.
I haven't contacted him since, cause I feel that this is his responsibility - it's him who have been ignoring me, and I can't keep up texting him or calling him to figure out what's going on with him.

Then there was a change of plans about this weekend, and the party there was meant to be a our friends' house is off, which gave me a few probs about places to stay, but Nikki and I got a deal with my friend Stine to crash at her place Friday. Then I was left with Saturday as a problem, so my Jonas asked if him and me could stay at this friend I thought was of my best friends' place. Jonas could, but there was no way that there was room for me there. That made me a little suspicious.
But now I just found out that a few of our other friends are staying there too. So now I'm seriously pissed at him. If I did something wrong he could at least have the decency to tell me!

And then there's this girl that I have been friends with for a bit more than half a year. Since November I guess. She's always had tiny things that have annoyed me, but I have put up with it, cause hey, we can't all like everything about each other.
But now it has just become too much. The more I think about it, the more I dislike her, and get annoyed by her. And I feel really bad about it, cause I don't think that she even realizes the things she does.
I just think that she is so self-centered and shallow and attention-desperate, and I just can't stand those kinda things.
She turns things that should be private and intimate and are actually really bad into some kind of circus to get attention, and it makes nauseated. I think it's sick and wrong those things that she does, and my honest opinion is that this girl needs some kind of help.
It is true though that she has been through a lot in her life, and that it must have been really tough for her and her family - but so have I, and I don't go around whining about it all the time just to get attention.
I hate her pity-crusade. It's wrong, it's sick and she needs help.

Normally when people gets on my last nerve I tell them, but how the Hell should I ever be able to tell her this?!
Everyone thinks that she is "soooo brave" and that she is "such a good person", so if I ever point this out to her she can tie them around her little finger in a second and I will end up losing a lot of people I really care about. I am starting to believe that that is what have happened with my (ex) best friend, cause he sees her as some kind of goddess that are unable to make mistakes, another thing that makes me wanna puke.

Many people might raise an eyebrow about this statement and think "hey, she's so obviously jealous", and trust me, I have gone that side of the story over and over again in my head. But no, it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with jealousy, cause she has nothing that I am interested in.
I am not interested in the kind of attention that she constantly seeks, I am not interested in being looked at as the "never-failing goodie goodie". No way, cause that is not me.
I just think that people are giving her attention on a false basis, and my respect for her sinks deeper and deeper every time I hear from her.

And I will end this now before my head explodes.
Thank you for putting up with my irrational, and extreme, garbage. All I know is that it really loosened up to get this out of my system cause I have been carrying it around for a long time now.
Let's just hope it doesn't escalate this Friday where I am forced to fake a smile for her.

Ozzy Osbourne show

So...  yesterday my ticket arrived. My ticket to Heaven, almost..
My ticket for the Ozzy Osbourne concert in Herning on August 30th. I just can't wait!
I'll be going with my lovely friend, Mary, and we'll be meeting up with other people outside the venue. I think we're gonna queue up a few days before the show - to make sure we get awesome spots, because we didn't get tickets to the inner stage, which sucks. But we're gonna make the best of it, and have a great time anyway.
I've just been dying to see this man in concert ever since I was born. My dad has always been playing me Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne, so it runs in my blood to love him.
I CAN'T WAIT!!

THE PRINCE OF FUCKING DARKNESS!

Sweat The Battle Before The Battle Sweats You

Sitting here listening to Sweat the Battle Before the Battle Sweats You (Album Version) from Cute Is What We Aim For, and I decided it was time for an update before leaving to make some dinner for my beloved father.
There still isn't any progress in my home-hunting in the big city, but I am planning to talk to my friend about her dorm and what she thinks about me applying for a room there asap.
Buuuuuut, this weekend I will be spending with Elisa (♥) being house-sitters for my sister and her bf. We planned to get drunk and have a marshmallow-contest - who can eat more marshmallows without vomiting. And we are going to watch Benny & Joon, and go Green Day nuts about Billie Joe's hairless arse :D

And then next week is coming. It's gonna be hard, tough. Extraordinary painful.
Tuesday will be awesome, spent with Jacque, and we are thinking about going to Eventyrhaven to just chill out.
Wednesday Jacque and I will meet up at Odense Station to go to Sjælland together. She's going to Fowsia's, I am going to Stine's. When I get to Stine's we are gonna get drunk, and Morten and I will be shooting her down with waterpistols and waterballons. THIS is gonna be great!
And then we are just gonna hang out till Friday - Friday is what is gonna kill me.
It's gonna be so mixed. I can't wait till I see everybody; Nikki, Theo, Nanna, Joy, Christian, Inge, JONAS, just everybody ... but June 25 is gonna be one of the worst dates in HIStory. I can't even get myself to think about the pain that is gonna inflict all of the City Square of Copenhagen on that date. So many tears, so much love, so much pain, so much frustrations..  It's gonna be straight-downwards Hell.

But let's just make the best of it; if we can.

Peace out, folks

my decision

I made a decision that has been on it's way for a long time. But now it is for real, and now it is seriously gonna happen. This is it!
I have always been miserable living where I live. I hate it here, and I have never fitted in, as I am not from this part of Denmark, and everybody knows, and I can feel it myself.
But now it is too much for me, and I have decided to move outta here. I am currently looking for places to live in the Copenhagen area, and I hope that something will come up soon.
I don't know how to make this work, I have never moved by myself before, never lived entirely on my own, and it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but it's good. It's a cool feeling to be scared like this.
I just hope that everything works out for me, cause I don't want anyone up in my face with all their "I told you you couldn't handle being on your own"-typical bullshit.
This is what I need to do for me. For once in my life I am doing what I know is the best thing for me. And I can't figure out whether it is a good or a bad thing.
Will I ever be able to make it on my own?

I Lush You

Today I lay in bed all morning just reading, because I had no reason to drag myself outta bed.
But then when I finally did I got myself an amazing surprise that I had in any way EVER imagined would happen.
On the table was a little brown package that I could see was from the US, and I thought that it was really odd, cause I haven't ordered anything for ages, because of my job situation, so I wanna save whatever money I have left.
So I turned to the sender to check whoever sent me this, and I was stunned, amazed - it was from the one and only amazing mr. MATTHEW LUSH!

On the back of package he had signed it in blue marker with a nice little heart, and he had placed three stickers that made smile more than I have smiled for a very, very long time! White plain stickers where he had drawn a peace-sign, a heart, and the cutest little smiley ever.
And what the package held, see that made me even happier.
It held this amazing t-shirt that I have wish for in like a century. His own design, black shirt, red writing saying:

"YOU SMOKING IS GIVING US BOTH CANCER".

It is just plain AWESOME !! I have no idea how anyone cannot love his cool badass designs.

I LUSH YOU, MATT  - thank you so much !!

Lyrics Of The Day: Will you Be There?

I am just gonna take a few seconds to post a picture of the man I love more than I can tell. You're beautiful.

In our darkest hour 

In my deepest despair

Will you still care?

Will you be there?

In my trials, and my tribulations

Through our doubts, and frustrations

In my violence, in my turbulence

Through my fear, and my confessions

In my anguish and my pain

Through my joy and my sorrow

In the promise of another tomorrow

I'll never let you part

For you're always in my heart

Artist: Michael Jackson

Year: 1991

Album: Dangerous 

Youtube: Will You Be There?

Inspired by The Optimist

Don't forget to love our world
Though the world seems cruel
There's beauty out there
You need to see it's for you
The nature is still young
We can save it if we want to
We need to get ourselves together now
Or tomorrow there wont be anymore that we can do
Embrace it, just taste it

Lyrics Of The Day: The Optimist

A new day is born

The sky is blue

We've got an ocean so big

Which Mother Nature grew

Embrace it, just taste it

A new kind of sun

The sky is true

We've got us mountains to reach

Yeah, everything is for you

Embrace it, just taste it

Artist: The Dreams

Year: 2010

Album: Revolt

Youtube: video coming up

Lyrics Of The Day: A Place Nearby

I entered the room

Sat by your bed all through the night

I watched your daily fight

I hardly knew

The pain was almost more than I could bear

And still I hear

Your last words to me.

Heaven is a place nearby

So I won't be so far away.
And if you try and look for me

Maybe you'll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby

So there's no need to say goodbye

I wanna ask you not to cry

I'll always be by your side.

You just faded away

You spread your wings you had flown

Away to something unknown

Wish I could bring you back.
You're always on my mind

About to tear myself apart.
You have your special place in my heart.

Always heaven is a place nearby

So I won't be so far away.
And if you try and look for me

Maybe you'll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby

So there's no need to say goodbye

I wanna ask you not to cry

I'll always be by your side.

And even when I go to sleep

I still can hear your voice

And those words
I never will forget

Artist: Lene Marlin

Year: 1999

Album: Playing My Game

Youtube: no video

Amazon:A Place Nearby 

Lyrics Of The Day

Sooooo... I decided to make this thing I am gonna call Lyrics Of The Day.
This will be me posting a new verse, a chorus, a bridge or maybe a full lyric, every day - at least when I have the chance to do it every day.
It's gonna feature lyric, artist, year, and album so you can all get inspired to listening to music you might never listen to or hear about without these lyrics.
I hope you're gonna enjoy it.

Peace, and keep the faith

we are the waiting

Just sitting here listening to Green Day Are We The Waiting/St. Jimmy, and just thought that I would throw something out here before leaving to be all family-social with fake smiles and nice clothing. Yup, story of my life...
Earlier this day I was talking to a friend on MSN, cause yeah, that's where I live my life during normal days, and it occured to me that even though he and I have only spent a few hours together just him and me, he is one of the friends that I have that I haven't know for a long time that knows me the best.
It was kinda scary to think about, cause usually it takes people years and years to get under my skin, to really get to know me. But not him, not this kid, he just got to me.
He's a lot younger than me, and it shows sometimes, but I really don't think about it, cause I feel comfortable around him. I feel comfortable about telling him my thoughts, my secrets, letting him know my life - aspects of my life that I'm not even sure my best friend knows about.
It scares me. It really does. It scares me that I can be so vulnerable to a person that I haven't known for more than a few months - and it's a boy, a guy, a man, he's XY-chromosed - and those are the one that frigthens me to death.
And now I just sit wondering; how the hell did he get to me? what's with this boy?
I can only say one thing - I love him, I hope I'm not scare him off, he means alot to me.

Yeah, there might be alot more here about him, crazy talk or something like that..
afterall...  crazy talk is what I do best.
Now I will hear In The Closet (oh yum, Michael Jackson moaning *dies*) and then I will leave to be superficial and nice to people that doesn't like me.
See ya out there, bloggers, stalkers, and other airheads.

Peace, and keep the faith

to ride a giraffe..........

So..  this is my blog.
For the first time on blogspot ever...

But now I sit wondering...  what should I be blogging about?
My head is kind of a big mess at the moment..       and the crazy thing is, that even though there really is a loooot of stuff going on in my head, I can't seem to find the words to tell what it is.
Oh yeah..   family, friends, distances between my friends and I, job (crabby boss), and yes, of course...   A BOY!
I can't seem to get this boy out of my mind! It's so freaked cause I already know that he doesn't feel the same way, and yet it feels like it keeps getting more and more intense what I am feeling. It freaks me out..
He's one of my best friends, and luckily for me nothing has changed between us since I told him about my feelings - which only made my feelings grow, cause it makes him even more *dysh*

Uh! but hey, there's a sunshine at the other side of the rainy skies..   next weekend I am going clubbing with a friend that I haven't really spent much time with 101, so it's gonna be awesome..  our plan is to dress up all 80'like and then go dance at bars. Then Saturday we're gonna hang with a friend and we're gonna go all Michael Jackson crazy, and watch dvds, listening to old records and just talk about his greats and jokes, and check out my collection of MJ-stuff..
I've never had MJ-fans at my place before so it's gonna be weird...   but nice..

So, I have no idea what more to write, and I feel like I'm just blabbing away about nothing so I am not gonna take up more of anyone's time..  *cloudybrains*
Nighty night for now, folks *hugging all around*

Peace out, and keep the faith
Love